New Year's Eve and it's hard to believe
another zodiac has gone around.

While you drank yourself high on hoping
and watched the ceiling spin from the ground.

Counting down from ten it's time
to make your annual prayer.

Secret santa in the sky
when will I get my share?

Then you tell yourself
what you want to hear.

Cause you have to believe.

This will be my year.

This will be my year...Semisonic


Go Ahead Punk: E-Mail Little Squaw @ squawpunch@hotmail.com

AIM: gimletgurl7 (Remember when she used to be here?)

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Out of context out of mind...I'm not that girl.

I'm quite contented to take my chances
Against the Guildensterns & Rosencrantses
It's a matter of Cain & Abel
And I can feel your knee underneath the table

He doesn't dangle by the seraphim
He only wants a pretty face by him so
How could you want him when you know you could have me?

Ferocious angels send me falling stars
But I know just how dangerous wishes are
Ferocious angels watch me come and go
But I'm not too smart to go barging off of roof tops, though

Okay, as I like to say to Gilly, "I got problems..."

For one thing the little silver beads on the straps of my "Original Boy Band" bag are falling off when I rub against them too hard.

Secondly I have a heart shattering addiction to teen literature of the unrequited love type. Mind you I am very much married and very much in love (of the requited kind). But I love to read those books because they just strike a chord. Much like the Pacey/Joey romance did for me and for all the same reasons that I won't watch the OC. Though I suspect that the OC would be too slutty and not awkward enough for my liking...I do suspect that the basic premise lingers there as well.

Don't even get me started on teen flicks. "Bring It On"? Oh my goodness. Sassy/smart/cute girl - kicky outfits- witty putdowns and a awkwardly hot guitar slinging/quirky/Indie brother of a best friend = deadly and addictive.

But there are books that totally wreck me like those damn Princess Diaries - see guitar/bass slinging/quirky/Indie brother of a best friend (insert older boy) and the worst of late (or rather the past few years) have been "Sloppy Firsts" and "Second Helpings" by Megan McCafferty.

Smart overachiever - sarcastic girl-intrigued/appalled by red headed bad boy former drug user who's also mysteriously well behaved- you guessed it-said boy is also a guitar slinging Indie boy who lays it all out there and calls her for what she is - she doesn't get it all hell breaks loose and she tries to run away from it all but she's hooked - one book later it takes almost all of book two for her to figure it out and for him to allow her to accept it then he sings a song about her to her at an awful party wearing a red shirt that says, "You, Yes, You" on it and she finally falls in...they end up at the end of the book riding on the ski lift thingy over the board walk at Seaside Heights (only after she loses her cumbersome virginity to his overly experienced yet gentle ways and they love, love, love each other)...then he tells her on the lift that he got into a progressive art school and he'll be leaving in a couple of days "but it will work out because it's meant to". Note to spunky, wise cracking girls...yes you may indeed be cuter than you ever realized but no "that boy" is not going to turn into a prince and by the time you figure out what you should of, would of, could of said/done, you'll be in college and he'll be married to the girl you never suspected he'd be stupid or boring enough to be able to love.

It's hard to meet "that boy" when he's finally caught up with you and your expectations. It's even harder to read about successfully teen "that boy" romances that work when you're happily married yet tragically wistful. Why care? "Those boys" get older, fatter, and less interesting as you learn to love yourself more and stop trying to hide who you really are to avoid intimidating people.

I married "the boy" that I wasn't supposed to fall in love with and each day I feel more and more like I want to scoop him up and swallow him whole, just so I will know no one else will ever be able to lay hands on him. My happiness forms a mist around my head and ears all while memories of the boys that I thought I was supposed to love still echo in my brain like ancient broken records with pointy edges.


posted by JustKeepMum on 9:21 PM