New Year's Eve and it's hard to believe
another zodiac has gone around.

While you drank yourself high on hoping
and watched the ceiling spin from the ground.

Counting down from ten it's time
to make your annual prayer.

Secret santa in the sky
when will I get my share?

Then you tell yourself
what you want to hear.

Cause you have to believe.

This will be my year.

This will be my year...Semisonic


Go Ahead Punk: E-Mail Little Squaw @ squawpunch@hotmail.com

AIM: gimletgurl7 (Remember when she used to be here?)

Thursday, March 04, 2004

It's Thursday. That's about all that I can say. That and I only have ten (10) more meetings until the end of the day tomorrow.

When I came in this morning I was greeted by the sound of a roaring saw. Apparently it was nesc. for them to cut the counter in our pantry appart at 8:30AM this morning. When I walked by I paused to stare repoachfully at the guy responsible. I think that he put a wammy on me. Either that or God was zapping me for saying, "F'ing a" under my breath. I know. I know... After getting settled in at my desk I opened my seltzer. (I drink selter every morning in lieu of juice which has too much sugar for me and instead of plain old H2O because that's what I drink all day)...so I open my seltzer which in this case was a 20 fl oz bottle and it sprayed ALL OVER MY DESK. My keyboard is very very wet. My right leg is very very wet and my vitamin is dissolving on my notebook.

But I was soooo very tired last night that I forgot what I wanted to put in here.

Yesterday when I got in I found the following email waiting in my mailbox...

From: MY SVP
Sent: Tuesday, March 02, 2004 7:32 PM
To: ME
Subject: Career Development

Hi there!

I want to get on your schedule to discuss your career development. I think this is a great time of year for people to plan how they themselves are going to develop over the year, and I want to make sure that I am supporting you with all of the awareness and resources that you need. I am hoping we can discuss this in our next weekly and with any additional time we need. I would also like to have this discussion with MY COORDINATOR, which we could do together, or I could do alone with her.

What do you think??

MY SVP


Of course I start to flip out. Because in reality my first reaction is, "I want to get the hell out of here."

But I can't say that. So I call Gilly at home and explain the situation and he says, "Well what do you want?"

ME - I want to get the hell out of here.

HIM - Well you can't say that! They'll fire you. Don't you want to take some classes aren't you always talking about the things your interested in learning?

ME - Classes. Who has time for that? Plus I'd want to do it in Jersey not the city and that would involve leaving very early.

HIM- People do it every day. You live a state with dozens of universities. You should go for it.

ME- PLUS that would involve taking tests to get in. I don't want to take tests. Those tests are hard.

HIM- Dummies get into grad school everyday you are way smarter then them. You shouldn't worry about it. INSERT GILLY'S NUMBSKULL CO-WORKER'S name is walking out the door with a masters in May!

ME- I don't know what I am gong to say.

HIM- LIE. If you tell them the truth you'll get fired.

ME- UGH. I'll figure something out.

So being proactive I responded to the email like this...

-----Original Message-----
From: ME
Sent: Wednesday, March 03, 2004 8:43 AM
To: MY SVP
Subject: RE: Career Development

This sounds like a great idea. I’d love to get your opinion on a few ideas that I’ve been bouncing around in my head for quite some time. Our next weekly is today at 2PM.

I’d like to be involved in the discussion with MY COORDINATOR. I think it would be great for both us and it will help us to work together even better as a team.

Thanks.

ME

So my meeting got canceled and then we had a short one at 3:30PM (small window to chat GOOD)...and we discussed it and I explained that quite honestly I haven't had time to even thing about myself the past year and what I really need to work on is focusing on myself for a while to figure out what it was that I really wanted. Kind of like the professional version of the "I need to find myself." Speech.

I think that I am just lazy. As supported my disinterest in taking tests. Mostly because I don't think I am so great at standardized tests. Interviews and interaction YES. Tests NO. Regular tests with theories and such I am fine with.

Let's be fair here. I am just emotionally drained. Working here has sucked the life out of me.

Thank God it's Thursday.
posted by JustKeepMum on 8:47 AM