New Year's Eve and it's hard to believe
another zodiac has gone around.

While you drank yourself high on hoping
and watched the ceiling spin from the ground.

Counting down from ten it's time
to make your annual prayer.

Secret santa in the sky
when will I get my share?

Then you tell yourself
what you want to hear.

Cause you have to believe.

This will be my year.

This will be my year...Semisonic


Go Ahead Punk: E-Mail Little Squaw @ squawpunch@hotmail.com

AIM: gimletgurl7 (Remember when she used to be here?)

Monday, February 16, 2004

Once upon a time I had a twisted real time relationship with a boy who played every mind game possible. And me, I was in denial of the very large crush I was sporting though I was apparently quite brazenly illustrating it in my actions an behavior toward said person. Who for all intensive purposes was called, "Anal Retentive Boy" or "Anal" for short. I know...I know...but everyone has a nickname around here and he got his the good old fashioned way...by my power of observation...I was in his room once and he was totally wasted...and what does he do? He looks over at his "sparkling" desk and says, "Everything would be perfect in here if that book was straight." And proceeds to adjust a book that was leaning a fraction to the left. And thus he was dubbed "Anal Retentive Boy." He never knew about the nickname but all my friends called him Anal and I was doing it up to the point that Gilly and I met. I had to stop because he hated hearing me call someone Anal. (Don't even get me started on my friend Titty)

But our relationship kind of sort of made it safely into adulthood.

And I think that there will always be some underlying drama. As proven by him getting drunk and declaring his adoration for me at our wedding.

Inappropriate yes, unforgivable, no.

So we seemed to patch things up though of course we never had a full discussion but we seemed to move along anyway...I responded to an email that he sent me a few weeks ago (in my response to my full out raise the SHU Alumni in anger about be being verbally assaulted email)...

I'm posting them from oldest to newest. Note the creative use of " ". I want to twist his head off like a bottle cap.

From: analretentiveboy@aol.com
To: littlesquaw@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: Okay, SHU beat Syracuse, but do we really have anything to be proud of?
Date: Fri, 23 Jan 2004 12:03:29 EST

that is crazy. I suppose I have been lucky enough to never have recieved a
soliciting call from Seton Hall. Did you save the message? You might have a case of some sort against the department and/or at least the individual that left that message.

"THE PHONE MESSAGE" aside, how are things? I am doing well. Working out a lot. Looking for a new job. Have the same girlfriend for over two years. Looking to move to Miami or San Diego when the spring semester is over ... My girlfriend is going to get her Associates this Spring!

Talk to you later ..

Re: Okay, SHU beat Syracuse, but do we really have anything to be proud of?
Date: 2/15/2004 8:17:45 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: littlesquaw@hotmail.com
To: analretentiveboy@aol.com

Hey there,

I am sorry I haven't written sooner but work is crazy and Gil and I are always running around doing one thing or another.

I got a written apology from **** ****last week. It came with a plastic SHU license plate frame. Can you believe it? Very sad. I was wondering if I would bump into him at the Rutgers game a week or so ago but I didn't.
There were so many people there that we graduated with it was crazy. Not that I ran around and said hello. I wasn't feeling quite up to it (I had a spot on my chin)...I saw Donovan whom I probably haven't seen since 1997. It's
The weirdest thing is that a guy who was a groomsman with Gil in our friends Eric's wedding (Eric was one of our groomsmen too)...well he went to Rutgers and he was sitting two rows down from us. New Jersey is way too small a place if you ask me.

It sounds like things are going well for you which makes me very happy! :) I am just curious, why you would move to Miami or San Diego. Any particular reason? We spent a week in Miami last March while I was working on Spring Break and I've had to travel to San Diego a couple of times for work as well. In fact I was supposed to go the week after Thanksgiving but the party we were throwing got canceled. I like San Diego but Miami, not so much.

I am spending the weekend sorting through a ton of stuff that I brought down from Maine in January. Basically every letter that was ever written to me and/or which I wrote myself from about 6th grade on. Apparently, on
occasion, pre email I used to write a letter and then copy it again so that it was legible. The end result of my sorting and reading is that I've spent a great deal of the time marvelling at what a dork I was. Though I must admit that I
am a bit surprised at a. how forthcoming I was and b. how many people I used to write to. I literally have a whole bag full of notes which were written in my HS Geography class. No wonder I suck at math. I'm almost through high school at this point. I am sure I'll find some "Anal" material as I continue to dig deeper. If your ears start to burn now you'll know why.



From: analretentiveboy@aol.com
To: littlesquaw@hotmail.com
Subject: Right back at you <-First thing to note, what the hell does that mean???
Date: Mon, 16 Feb 2004 08:15:15 EST

Yeah, you will come across some "ANAL" letters. I can remember wrting a few throughout our college years to you.

On moving ... I would really like to live in a warm weathered climate. Preferably, one with palm trees. I have a buddy that lives in FT. Lauderdale which is only 20 minutes north or so of Miami. Miami is a real nice city ... just have to get used to the high population of Spanish speaking residents. San Diego is just the ultimate. Perfect weather 366 days out of the year .. et al.

Yes, our Seton Hall basketball team is pretty impressive this year. Barring any major tailspin we should make the dance. I have not been able to make a game to the meadowlands in a few years. It would be interesting to see fellow alumnae.

Say hello to your "Hubby" for me. Enjoy the rest of your week. Talk to you later ...


Okay, what the heck does the "Hubby" thing mean? Gert suspects that he's belittling our marriage as the " " infer that Gill's not a real husband.

URGH. URGH. URGH...just to set the record straight...I am not hitting on the man. I do in fact have copies of some of the letters that I sent him and quite frankly, I really laid it out there that I had a huge stupid crush. HUGE. STUPID. And you know what? At the end of all the drama, I walked away from him. I chose to get over it, him and me. I chose to grow up. It's worked out rather well for me I think.

I also have to point out that his responses sound very "constructed" and I am wondering if he's gotten some prompting from his new beloved or if he all of a sudden got off the hooch and the smoke and well if he has that's a great thing no matter how irritating I find his behavior to be.

Gilly's read the letters I sent. Gilly know's how I feel about the whole thing now. Gilly know's how I really would love to have had the chance to have it out with him one on one and Gilly supports my option to do so. Maybe I should show up at his wedding and spew forth a soliloquy on what a mind fuck he put me through?

I assume that he still has all the letters and since the letters were so very simpering on my part well he may think that the mere mention of them means that I am looking to rekindle a flame that never had the chance to "roar."

Ick ugh feh.

So, my plan of action is to wait two weeks and if I still feel burned I am going to tell him that we made it to the "Anal" letters and they were a source of great amusement. Gee, I was so sincere back then and didn't it all work out for the best, what with me happily married and us still such "great" friends?

I am not looking for a luva. Maybe some piece of mind. But no luva's.
posted by JustKeepMum on 5:25 PM