New Year's Eve and it's hard to believe
another zodiac has gone around.

While you drank yourself high on hoping
and watched the ceiling spin from the ground.

Counting down from ten it's time
to make your annual prayer.

Secret santa in the sky
when will I get my share?

Then you tell yourself
what you want to hear.

Cause you have to believe.

This will be my year.

This will be my year...Semisonic


Go Ahead Punk: E-Mail Little Squaw @ squawpunch@hotmail.com

AIM: gimletgurl7 (Remember when she used to be here?)

Thursday, February 05, 2004

I rock too fast for love! I'm footloose in my velcro shoes...

Okay this was supposed to be a fun entry this was supposed to set the tone for the rest of the year.

Most of you have heard the ending. How about the hopeful beginning and the wistful middle?

So the other day I am thinking okay I need to TiVo Letterman 'cause this is going to be the first time that Fountains of Wayne are going to sing "Mexican Wine" on TV. Okay maybe not the first time because they sang it for that awful VH1 show and then for Austin City Limits. How about the first time in 2004?

That's about Tuesday. Then I think to myself. What am I thinking? Letterman's less than ten blocks away from my building. We own CBS. Why can't I get a ticket? Why not? Because I never ask for favors and the one time I did, I asked a guy who works for Clearchannel that I spent about six sweaty days on the road with 'Nsync hanging out with...well he said to me, "Oh, if you ever need tickets to a show just call me. I'll totally hook you up." That's after I gave him loads and loads of cool swag. Well one day I call him cause my husband is dying to see Pearl Jam for one time before he quits going to concerts (which is about to happen in about two minutes) and does he call me back? Of course not. It's probably a good thing though because Eddie started stomping on faux Bush heads soon there after and Gilly was not pleased.

Anyway, I say f it. Everyone knows how much I love this band so it can't hurt to ask. I put in a few inquiries and then I stumble across a lead. Someone who has worked in the company for a very long time and knows EVERYONE. Well she gives me a name at CBS. It happens to be the name of a guy who I've heard on Howard Stern before. Yes indeed it was. He's actually always very nice on the show.

Anyway I call him. And he picks up the phone. NO RECEPTIONIST. And he's very nice. I explain why I am calling and instead of brushing me off he gets all apologetic and says, "Oh you need at least a month in advance." and I say "Oh I was hoping for tickets for this particular show." And he says, "Well I can get you only one." And I say, "That'll work for me." Lots of thank you's and then he faxes me the offical get out of jail card.

Of course I didn't want to get my hopes up.

I sneak out of the office today "for an appointment." On my way to the building I notice a very large ramp in the street next to the theater and I think, "It looks like one of those huge slides you see at the fair." Then I think. "It's right next to the stage door. I could hang out and see if I see FOW." But of course I realize how stupid that would be. It's not like I've never seen them before! I hope that I am not that lame.

So I go to a Letterman Intern and give them my fax. They say, "Oh you have a VIP seat. Unobstructed view in the balcony. Here's your ticket and feel free to come back at 3:25." Like I am going back to my desk! I get in line and proceed to call my peeps.

Then they start to roll us into the building. Now this is where it gets wistful. I haven't been in that building in almost 11 years!!! My freshman year of college I wrote away (pre internet) to get tickets. And me and my roomate (quite a popular pop tart) and I went. That was the first of my forays into the city as a footloose and fancy free co-ed.

The building hasn't changed. The lighting is the same. What is different is the fact that the last time we were in front of Vernon Reid from Living Coulour. Anyway I am at the front of the CBS line and I whip out my "Milk It!" book and proceed to read about L7. The audience coordinator does his schtick and let me tell you middle age tourists are much worse/goofy/lame than the kids who go to TRL. Anyway we get to the balcony and I say to the usher, "Hi am alone and I am just here to see the band, can I sit in front over on the side?" And he's like, "Sure we've got the perfect seat for you."

So I get a front row stage right seat. Right above the band pit. The Letterman Band is CREEPY. They all look like they escaped from the Matrix. Synthetic clothing, sunglasses and waxy skin. It's the first time I'd heard "Basket Case" by Green Day played as an istrumental with the trombone taking the vocal lead.

I should have known that I was in bizarro land then.

So Paul S. is all crazy and acting like anyone should care and all I can do is think about the Beavis and Butthead episode where they spoofed letterman and Beavis was Paul. Then I realize what a horrible audience guest I will be because I think it's all lame and won't clap.

Letterman comes out and the show commences and everytime he mentions Fountains of Wayne I Woo Hoo very loudly. It was obvious that the rest of the audience was not there to see them. And I think, "Hmmmm, I should have told my Little of Fountains of Wayne friend about this earlier because then when he watched he would hear me Woo." I also think, "I have to tell my Little Fountains of Wayne friend how the bass player is wearing a shiny suit. Doesn't he always talk about his 'gig' clothes being shiny?"

Letterman looks so very old now. When I saw him years ago it was right after he had lost all that weight and looked very cute. Now he just looks old. Old but in very nice suits and the wrong shoes and socks.

I was bored.

So apparently the "slide" outside was a snowboarding ramp of sorts and they had this very cute and funny snowboarder bunny who was going to be doing tricks all night. Apparently she's a gold medalist and is currently featured in FHM. I was impressed with how well she handled his comments.

So she goes down the ramp once. Afterwards Letterman asks her how the snow conditions are and she's like, "More like ice chunks."

She looked a bit scared/wary/concerned.

So we got to a commercial break. Another Fountains of Wayne mention and another loud woo.

Then they come back and she's going to do some sort of 360 spin on the ramp. Again she looks nervous. She goes down the ramp and as she's coming up and doing her 360 she goes crashing to the side and lands directly on the pavement collapsing like a piece of paper. The crowd nervously giggles because they aren't certain if it's a joke or not. Honestly I lost my breath.

Then I think, "Let's put this in perspective. These people weren't here on 911." I know it's a weird thought but I was staring at a screen at a person and I didn't know if they were dead or not. I didn't want her to hurt. I didn't want another traumatic Manhattan experience. I didn't want the one thing in life that seems so simple and so effortless (because my marriage is not simple or effortless) but I didn't want that one joy (seeing Fountains of Wayne) to become part of a really horrible memory.

Letterman just sits there. After a pause he says, "Well, what do we think about that?" The screens go blank and I think he was a bit shocked.

Someone starts screaming, "Call 911!" and then he gets up and throws his suit jacket on a guest chair and dashes out.

The Matrix band strikes up...they are obnoxious. Then Letterman comes back and sits down. I Know it's not good.

He says she's moving her arms and legs and she's speaking. They are taking her to the hospital. Then he cancels the show.

When I related this story to my nearest and dearest they all said, "Only you."

I am Calamity Janeish.

I hope she's okay, but the really bad part of me is pissed and irritated.

Though canceling the show was the right thing to do. Additionally it would have been in very poor taste to have a band singing a song which has the first line, "She was killed by a cellular phone explosion..."

They should have known better than to have her go on that ramp. It was a sheet of ice. I hope she's okay.

CBS sure has bad mojo these days.
posted by JustKeepMum on 10:57 PM